Now on to today's post. I had a request to talk about temptation, but due to my 4am awakening and worship session (which is still kind of going on as I write), this post has completely shifted.
We all know that everyone isn't perfect. We all know that we all fall short sometimes. It's what makes us human. But there has been one little thing weighing in on me so heavy, incredibly heavy, for quite sometime now. It's as if no matter how far I think I've made it from this one particular thing, it's always right behind me keeping up with me to let me know that I actually haven't made it very far at all. There are times that I can actually fight against it, but then there are times that it actually catches up to me and I'm sucked right back in. Please know that the Devil knows your weaknesses and just how to get you to succumb to them. This process is so unbelievably exhausting!! I'll think that I'm doing so well and get knocked right back down. It's as if the enemy has allowed me to believe that I found my way out just so that my fall will be even greater. But no matter how many times or how hard I may fall, I WILL get back up again and never stop fighting! At one point or even still, I felt that God would get tired of me praying about the same failing over and over. I felt that eventually He would stop forgiving me because I would say I was over it then do the same thing that I said I was done with over and over again. I felt that I was dirty in the sight of God. I felt that I was untrue to Him. One day I found myself completely broken down about this situation. I wondered how I would come to you all to blog and encourage you when I couldn't even do right by God. I was a MESS in that moment! Just when I couldn't get my tears to stop rolling or my thoughts together, a notification popped up from the person that would eventually get me to understand and get over the situation. By the time they were done talking to me, my tears had dried and I was able to pick myself back up. In that moment, I was beyond thankful for God placing her in my life.
I'm still a working progress, especially when it comes to this one thing. I want you to know that whatever you're going through or struggling with that you're not alone. I too am working on getting over obstacles! It's a complete struggle and sometimes I fail, but I refuse to give up. I understand that God is on my side and that I can be forgiven. Psalms 51 gave me the comfort that I needed. You can just read one verse, the entire chapter needs to be read. Verse 7 talks about washing me until I'm as clean and white as snow. WOW! I know some of us imagine that there is no way that we could get to that pint because of all the wrongs we have committed, but the God we serve has a way of doing the unimaginable! When dealing with something like this that's constantly weighing you down, you tend to feel stalled and just drained. Within this chapter David is also asking God to restore his happiness and joy! After a while, these situations begin to take a toll and it's hard to be happy. During my journey, I've learned to pray about God purifying my thoughts. Verse 10 talks about cleaning up thoughts and becoming committed again. I could go on because this chapter really spoke to me but I'll stop here for the sake of you all having a novel to read.
I owe you all an apology. I know I said my new post day will be on Wednesdays and truth be told the blog post was ready and would have been up by 9am Wednesday, but due to the wrong click of a button I lost most of it it and of course it didn't save. I was so devastated!! I wrote this post in the midst of a worship session!! I was literally typing and worshipping all at the same time. When I lost the words I wrote, I also lost my train of thought and could not remember what I wrote for anything!! I'm still kind of hurt because I know that my first one was better. Sigh. Welp, STAY GOLDEN!