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How the Perfect Guy Wasn't For Me

February 9, 2017



With this month being February and Valentine’s Day approaching, I’ve decided to share my story about my last relationship. I met him during my undergrad years as a freshman on campus. We had many mutual friends, and we were also friends all through undergrad. He was the kind of friend that you didn’t run into often but when you would; you would catch up with each other. I started coming into my relationship with Christ in March 2015. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was preparing to speak at a church conference in November 2015. The week before this conference started, he called me. I was so excited to hear from him. Of course, we filled each other in. By this time, he had moved to Dallas, started grad school, and was teaching at an elementary school. I was in my last year of college in undergrad. At this time, I was coming out of a very religious mindset and coming into relationship with Christ. I had so many questions. I began to read my Word and pray daily. He was in a similar situation before, so he helped answer some of the questions I had. Eventually, we started to talk every day, the thing I loved most was how pure and God centered the friendship was. If we weren’t discussing the Word of God, we were discussing the sermons we heard at church and giving our thoughts on them. We even prayed and fasted together many times. He became my best friend and accountability partner.


It didn’t take long for us to realize there were feelings between us. Because we established a pure friendship, we could learn everything about each other. I enjoyed being his friend. I felt like he was my “special person”. I would rush to call him when I got out of class or a break from my internship. He would do the same on his break. We would stay up talking for hours at a time. My heart was so warmed, because this was the first time I experienced liking a Christian guy that was respectful that genuinely lived a Holy life. He was so careful to seek God in every decision he made, valued relationship with Christ over anything, was not only was saved, but Spirit filled. Not to mention extremely fine and CHOCOLATE. LOL!  I started to think, “Monohn, this could really be the one”!


After a little over a year, on May 21, 2016, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Now, this was a little different for me because I never cared for titles such as girlfriend and boyfriend and it was understood that we both felt that way. Literally, the day after we started dating everything felt so weird. Our conversations became awkward and keep in mind this was a long-distance relationship, so all we had to keep us going were phone conversations. I started to feel as if I was obligated to call or text because he was now my boyfriend. I didn’t like this feeling and I know he felt the same, so we talked about it the same way we discussed everything else. We decided we didn’t like the extra pressure that came with having titles, so we broke up on July 4th and remained friends. We liked it this way. I always felt like I wasn’t quite ready for a relationship because there were some things I still wanted to work out in my personal life with God. Because he was 4 years older than me, he’s always kind of pushed marriage. He’s operating in his purpose right now and seeking to find his wife. We stopped talking recently because I’m not ready for marriage and I didn’t want to be a distraction to him.


I’m able to ask God, “Why did I have to experience this?” “What did you want me to learn from this?” “Why is this not for me right now?” My experience helped me make a personal choice to not use titles in my future relationships. This works for me because you grow to like and learn an individual so clearly without pressure.

We should wonder what God wants us to get out of this and listen to what He says. We should be willing to take correction and take it with us in our next season. Being content in your season doesn’t mean settling for what you have, although it may look great and like everything you’ve ever wanted. It is a way of understanding and preparation for what God has for you. So, don’t rush your season, trust the process, and endure until God says it’s your time.


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